I have a love, hate relationship with this blog; by no fault of the blog. There was a time I couldn’t wait to sit down and share my thoughts (i.e. insanity) with the blogosphere. But somewhere along the way I lost my voice. Posts have been deleted or left in draft mode indefinitely. And, at the same time, several posts still exist on this site dating back to 2006. I read them the other day and there was a complete disconnect. It was as if I was reading someone else’s life, not my own.
“You are far too clever and entertaining for Facebook. You too need to start a blog. :)”
The above comment was left on my Facebook status today by a very dear friend. And, it has been running around in my head for the better part of today. Most of my blogging these days is technical in nature from health, to law topics, to marketing and more but none of it aspires to be witty or funny.
Book after book on “writing” can be found throughout my house. Boxes full of journals, random thoughts, book ideas and character creations also exist in this house. They were long stuffed away when life became hard and the first thing I chose to cut off was – me. In some respects I gave up on myself and stuffed it all into a box leaving a big part of myself buried. I’m not a very good communicator, I prefer to write, clunky grammar and all. But there came a point where I didn’t want to write because I didn’t want to think.
These past two years have been craptastic in every sense of the word. BUT, the last few months have been good. I’m slowly rediscovering who I am and what I want. In November I wrote, “Through the hell of it there is always an upside no matter how much it may have sucked along the way. One of those ups is realizing you’ve gotten through… And you’re still standing.” I am still standing. I am witty and funny and flawed. But most importantly, I’m me. And, I like me. For better or worse, I’m back.